New Paradigm Relating

We see a place; a family, community, village, tribe, culture, a home where we live in abundance; securely rooted in ourselves, the earth, and the universe all around us. In this place each of us is supported with an abundance of free flowing love and the knowledge that access to this love is limited only by our own ability and choice to connect with the beloved universe all around us. We are connected to the land and all its inhabitants in a deeply loving and honoring partnership. All are loved and supported and held. The elderly experience the waning years of their life appreciated, surrounded by family and friends, imparting stories and wisdom. The young are nurtured into this world with so many supporting hands and hearts, and encouraged to blossom into whatever their essence is called to. Security is gained by partnering with many in love and life and community. The loss of individual connections may hurt, and each of us remains held securely: dreams, intentions, health, home, and community in tact.

In seeking the path to this place, the universe has replied that loving relationship is the key. We choose to relate to the world around us according to a new paradigm of relationship (love, partnership, and sexuality). We travel this path because it calls to us, because it feels right to us. This may or may not be true for you. We present these ideas, not to change the world, but to find travel partners for this journey to this magical land that calls to us. This paradigm is based upon fluidity, freedom, and support for the unique individual and the greater whole. We are in relationship with everything and everyone. The beloved is the universe surrounding us and is here to provide for all of our needs and desires. In this romance with the beloved, individual connections are part of the greater whole and each involves love, partnership, and sexuality to various degrees and in various ways. In accepting the love of the beloved, we are securely supported in our own individual unique nature. In loving the beloved, we offer the same support all around.

We choose to drop the idea of “The One”, the idea that the beloved can be embodied in a single individual. It seems that this idea limits the love available, is based upon ideas of scarcity, and in fact creates the scarcity that is feared. In anticipating that needs and desires for love, partnership, and sexuality can and should be met by a single individual, one tunes out many opportunities for the universe to provide for these. Placing the weight of expectation of The Beloved on a single individual creates a difficult burden that few can bare. If one accepts the role of The Beloved, they sacrifice their own unique magic in attempting to satisfy the needs and desires of the partner and be what they need or want. An individual human can not reasonably fulfill the role intended for the entire universe. Such expectant relationships commonly end in feelings of being lost, betrayed, let-down, deceived. Many ‘successful’ variants of such relationship involve one or both partners sacrificing their own unique purpose, nature, and desires, for the relationship. We see this attempt to grasp love, contain it, and secure it for the future as a futile reach that often results in the opposite of desired results. Love is divine and must be free. Attempt to contain it and it goes away.

This article speaks very clearly about the new paradigm relationship that we speak of. It is found on a polyamory site. As made clear in the article, this New Paradigm Relating does not inherently correlate with polyamory. A monogamous relationship where both parties are choosing this, because it is their preference and feels true to their authentic self, in this moment, with no promises or expectations of the future, fits New Paradigm Relating; while a poly-amorous relationship with many rules, restrictions, competition, and/or promises is old paradigm. In fact, this new paradigm of relating applies to all relationships. While not explicitly stated in the article, for us this philosophy applies to relations with children, plants, animals, the Earth, the Universe…. We are here to be seen and supported in expressing our authentic self and purpose while offering similar support for those around us.

The purpose, intent, and patterns of the unique individual are supported and encouraged as primary. The greater whole is the union of unique individuals and as such expands and grows with the explorations, learning, growth, and diversity of the individuals.

Our relationship with children embodies this perspective. We see children as autonomous beings with their own innate interests and purpose, their own reason for being. We do not own them. We mentor and nurture them in the direction that they are intending to go. We intervene, redirect, or block only in situations where potential of long term damage appears imminent. We interact with them directly and respectfully rather than through the intermediary of their biological progenitors. We appreciate that they, with their fresh eyes, have as much to teach us about this world as we with our experienced eyes have to teach them.

Why is sexuality part of the equation? Sexuality is so disrespected and so intertwined with love and partnership in modern culture, that the latter cannot effectively be reevaluated without addressing the former. In the old paradigm primary love and partnership are often restricted to the primary or solitary sexual relationship. Agreements around sexual partnerships commonly implicitly or explicitly limit the love and partnership that may be shared with others.

To turn off or pretend to turn off ones sexual connection interferes with ability to sensually connect with the world; to navigate to those things that are nourishing, complementary, and supportive; to love. Sex is a fundamental reality of nature and all that we do. Life and this universe are about testing ideas. All of our senses are tuned for three things; nourishment (growing and maintaining an idea long enough to spread it), protection (avoiding energies and beings that are detrimental to the idea), and sex (seeking connection with complementary and supportive ideas to propagate new ideas). Those things that our senses are drawn to, that feel good to us, are nourishment, safety, and sex. These are not discrete. Food can trigger desire for sex. Sex can feel like security. People often overeat when their desires for sex and security are not satisfied. Sensuality cannot fully be separated from sexuality.

In observing the plant world, it is easy to see that sex is not just about finding a mate. It’s also about finding allies. Flowers are sex organs. They are designed, not to attract other flowers, but flower allies. They trigger ecstatic joy in insects and humans alike. We cherish them and protect them and help them propagate. Their sexual offerings are expressed as beauty that others are drawn to, wish to support and to love. In tuning out our sexual connection with the world; we dull our sensual connection with it; we lose sight of beauty, the energetic draw to love, nurture and protect it. This applies to the natural world as well as other humans.

Recognizing and opening to the idea that all connections have a sexual component simultaneously allows and necessitates clear and honest boundaries around physical sexual contact. One can witness and love and connect with children with appreciation for individual sexual nature and sexual component of connection, yet clearly communicate boundaries around genital contact and consent, allowing a relationship that is whole and deeply loving without crossing cultural or personal boundaries that are likely to be harmful. A person can recognize sexual connection with everything, yet choose physical sex with only one or even a path of celibacy. Certainly some who choose the religious celibate path are, in fact, choosing a path of new paradigm relating where a deep loving romance with the beloved, the divine in all things, is the objective.

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